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For 5 years of self-improvement I was lost.
Caught in an endless cycle of dopamine loops, pursuing the next thing that lit me up.
Like an addict, I was hooked.
Hooked on feeding my brain new information. Even at the downfall of my own progress.
I remember watching ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne and thinking, “yes! this is it! this is answer I’ve been looking for, and it’s so simple!”
But then continuing to watch other videos like “The SECRET behind ‘The Secret’”.
Hang on, if this is —THE—SECRET—, THE one secret that was supposed to bring everything I ever wanted to me…
Question:
Why is there a second secret behind the first secret, and why do I feel like I need to know it?
I still felt compelled to do more and more research because I believed there was something missing in my knowledge.
It was also content pieces like “The Secret” and other law of attraction stuff that allowed me to believe that if I just got my mind right — all my thoughts perfectly aligned — everything would just come to me.
The truth is, I was procrastinating, but I didn’t believe I was.
Because I was constantly learning new information that made me feel confident and positive, I felt like I was making progress — when I was actually avoiding the actions that would produce the results that I was looking for.
I was over-complicating everything — thinking, “there to be more to it than this”.
I thought I had to know everything, before I really got going.
“There had to some more information or knowledge that I still needed to learn, otherwise I would already have everything I wanted, right?”
It’s Complicated
There is such a huge plethora of different content pieces, course and products out there, it can overwhelming knowing what to focus on and which path to choose.
10,000 different coaches and creators all saying that they know the best way to get what you want.
The truth is — pretty much any of the paths will work if you just committed for long enough.
We believe that things are much more complex than they are — but it’s focusing on the fundamentals that brings the most progress.
Looking back now, I realise that it was my lack of understanding and awareness of my own self, that allowed me to be controlled by my own insecurity: that I didn’t already know enough to commit.
I wanted it to be complicated, the more complicated it was — the better I could feel about endlessly learning and not taking action.
I was naive — yes. Gullible — maybe.
I took everything I learnt as gospel, without using developing and using my own philosophy through critical thinking.
Dopamine Spikes
It’s the titles of books, articles and videos like “The Secret” or “5 habits that will make you rich in 2024”, that trick our brains into thinking there’s something we don’t already know.
We unconsciously believe that we need to consume that piece **of content to find the missing key for us to get everything we want.
Opposed to how some people would have you believe — this isn’t actually some tyrannical plot by the masters of the self-improvement industry to keep you from ever taking action.
It just how content creators play on how the human mind works (hell, I’ve done myself with the title of this article)
Self-improvement creators are doing it because the information they learnt had a positive impact on them.
They want to pass it on so it helps other people — and they want to make a living doing what they love.
With that being said though, for the self-improvement industry to keep growing and being profitable, and for more influencers to break through and make a living, they need you to keep buying their stuff.
For you to buy their stuff, they need to be able to tell you about their stuff.
For them to be able to tell you about their stuff, they need your attention — Content creators need to get eyeballs on there content.
The best way to get views is to spike the dopamine of the person their creating for.
Our brains light up when we have novel (new) experiences, this includes when we learn something new — and especially when we associate that new knowledge or experience as helping us get something we really want.
This is where “clickbait” comes in — titles that interrupt your thinking pattern and catch your attention.
On the surface, this is fine, and you’ll often find a piece of information that genuinely help you after being pulled in by a dopamine spiking title — like hopefully from this content piece!
On a deeper level:
Our minds are getting conditioned to believe that there is always something else we we need to know before we actually do what we want to do.
If there are 100 videos all saying that they have the 5 best tips for us to get rich this year, our brains come up with a belief like:
“I probably need to watch them all so I can completely sure which are correct.”
By the time we’ve watched them all, it’ll be next year, and there will be another 100 videos to watch.
This kind of strategy is especially true of podcasts — using titles like “13 lessons from a 7 figure a month owner”.
When the episode it just a normal conversation, and is not structured into 13 lessons at all.
I’ve come to realise that listening to podcasts, watching YouTube videos and reading books is not going to enable me to execute on my goals.
When were constantly bombarded by signals telling us that there is essential knowledge that we’re missing, how will we ever gain the confidence to start applying?
Pain of Regret..
There is no denying that when we’re consuming new information and connecting the dots in our world view and beliefs, it makes us feel good.
We feel good about ourselves because we are expanding our knowledge — and we correlate this with progress.
But we haven’t hit any resistance yet.
We haven’t put out knowledge to the test.
Then, when we start to apply our knowledge, and things aren’t as easy as just watching and learning, we get uncomfortable.
We realise that, even with all our knowledge, we can’t execute perfectly.
Things aren’t as easy as we’d like them to be, so we can fall back into the learning state again — thinking:
“I must not know enough, otherwise this would be working”
And we go back to YouTube looking for the next perfect piece of information that’s going to solve our problems.
This creates a perpetual pattern of procrastination — never making any real progress. We’re caught in a trap, mistaking gathering information for progress — and avoiding the discomfort of trial and error.
Then you wake up 5 years later and realise you haven’t achieved your dreams.
You’ve become an armchair philosopher. You never apply and stick to anything for long enough to reap the rewards.
Your constantly bolstering your self esteem by learning and learning and learning, but your not honouring your true self-worth by taking consistent action on what you’ve learnt.
This is where I found myself in 2018, with 5 years of self-improvement under my belt.
I had developed myself a lot, but I still hadn’t learnt to consistently take action toward my big goals.
I made the resolution to myself to not learn anything new, until I could commit to applying what I already knew.
That’s when an entire new chapter of my life began.
.. Or Pain of Discipline
It’s the idea that I need to know something else — that there is a gap in my knowledge that must be filled before I can actually do something — that’s holding me back. Not that I don’t know enough.
We all know that for us to become proficient at ANYTHING, we need to practice actually doing that thing.
We need to teach the nervous system in our body what it is like to actually do it, not just map out the “perfect” route in our neo-cortex.
That feeling of there being a gap in our knowledge before starting, can only be filled by executing and learning from experience.
It’s focusing on the fundamentals that bring about the biggest improvement.
There is a fog of uncertainty in front of us that we can’t see through, it clouds our vision and fills us with fear and anxiety. The only way through it is to focus on action taking one step at a time.
When we dial in on the basics, we get ahead of 90% of people. Everyone else is overcomplicating it.
It’s the timeless habits and skills that bring about the most rapid and sustained changes.
When we shift our perspective to one of application and progress, rather than education and perfection. That’s when we actually start climbing the staircase to our biggest goals.
Focus on the basics, put one mindful foot in front of the other — and before you know it you’ll be at the top of the mountain, and you’ll be able to see the path clearly. The gap in your knowledge will be filled.
Not through endlessly learning, but from applying the basics that apply in all situations.
Of course — educating yourself and developing you mind, beliefs and worldview are important, but for the purpose of making progress, not achieving perfection.
Which brings us to the first of the 5 steps..
Quick heads up — I’m not going to go fully in to depth on these topics here, as there can be a lot to unpack for each of these, and each step potentially deserves it’s own blog post.
So let’s not overcomplicate things..
Step 1: Train Your Mind
This first step ties in to all the rest of these steps quite heavily.
Training your mind is about shifting your beliefs and identity to truly see yourself as the authentic person you envision yourself to be.
It’s about being mindful of your own thoughts and self talk — and training your mind to be your own best supporter. Not in a sycophantic or flattering kind of way. But as a wholesome and loving parent would.
Encourage yourself to take challenges, celebrate your wins, learn from your mistakes, don’t endlessly beat yourself up about the past, but examine it, and heal whatever needs to be healed — believe in yourself and honour yourself as deserving of the good life.
Educate yourself with the knowledge you need to progress, then act on it. So you’re not caught in the trap of endless learning, thinking your making progress when you’re not.
Construct a sophisticated and useful world view so you can be more effective in your endeavours.
When you truly know who you are and you’ve awakened to the knowledge of good and evil, you become a force to be reckoned with.
Step 2: Train Your Body
The mind and the body are linked — in fact, they are deeply intertwined.
Your thoughts and feelings have a massive effect on your bodies function— and your body has an incredible effect on your state of mind.
Regular intense and moderate exercise creates floods of positive endorphins that light you up.
You have more mental clarity, better mental health, greater creativity etc when you exercise regularly.
We all know the benefits, and if you’re not doing it, you have to ask yourself, why?
It’s not just exercise though, it’s every part of your physiology:
How you sit and stand, how you walk, how you hold yourself within your body, starts a chain of events within you that literally changes your brain.
Different fusions of chemicals will enter your brain and new neuros will start to fire and wire together in ways that they haven’t before. This is all part of creating your new authentic identity and developing your character.
Working out consistently creates discipline, if you’re pushing yourself to your limits and training hard. You’re teaching your mind to deal with hard times and to keep going, and you’ll be better equipped to deal with hard times in real life.
Step 3: Stop Self Harm
“It is impossible to understand addiction without asking what relief the addict finds, or hopes to find, in the drug or the addictive behaviour.” ― Gabor Mate
Why do people self harm? The simple answer: because they enjoy it.
Everything we do, we do because it gives us a benefit of some sort.
Whether it’s just to feel something,
to numb our feelings,
to distract us,
to allow us to escape,
to switch off or to switch us on,
we do it because it has some kind of positive payoff — even if the pay-back is 100x worse.
Whether it’s smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, porn, gambling, debting, eating, video games, social media etc etc.
Even though we know it’s bad for us, we do it because we “enjoy” it.
Just as the when the cutter cuts themselves because they get a momentary high or relief.
You escape into your poison of choice, knowing full well that on some level, just as the cutter, you’re harming yourself.
Why do you feel that it’s ok to harm yourself, for a short term moment of relief?
Why don’t treat yourself as deserving of better?
Why don’t you treat your body and mind like a temple and give it the respect it deserves?
Why don’t you honour your own self-worth and the masterful work of your creator?
These are questions only you can answer for yourself, which brings us to Step 4:
Step 4: Get To Know Yourself
“Know thyself” the age old advice inscribed upon the entrance to the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.
But why? Well, as we’ve covered in the 2 previous steps, if you’re not treating yourself in the best way possible, you need to find out why — you need to truly get to know yourself.
- What are you passions and genuine interests?
- What are your patterns of compulsive thought, emotion and action?
- What happened in your past that made you this way?
- What are you deepest fears?
- What are you values and what is most important to you?
- It’s not only about getting to own just yourself though…
- You are human, so in order to know yourself — you must understand human nature.
Studying and researching useful information about human nature will enable you to function at an optimal level in the world.
This is a process, what you think is important to you now, might be less important to you in a few years. It’s about stripping away the falsehoods that we’ve picked up along the way and clarifying our own sense of authenticity and worth.
Step 5: Hone Your Skills
As I touched on above, the only way to be proficient at anything, is to practice doing that thing.
Figure out the first step, and take action, trust that the next level of information will be available to you when you need it.
“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.
Start taking the actions now that you would take it you were already doing what you wanted to. Act as if your already in the situation you’re working towards.
Even if it’s just 15 minutes a day, start practicing your craft. As time goes on and you advance more, spend more and more time doing it.
Master the 80/20 rule.
What are you 20% actions that will bring you the 80% results?
Focus on developing and honing the few crucial skills that kill bring you the greatest benefit in the future.
Your skills can never get taken away from you. They are makes you valuable in the marketplace.
Conclusion
Of course, there in lots of nuance within each of these 5, use these 5 steps as the fundamentals toward you self-improvement. Dive deep in to each of them, but keep simple big picture basics in your mind:
- Train your mind
- Train your body
- Stop self harm
- Get to know yourself
- Hone your skills
Stay Tuned for deep dives on each of these steps, sign up at the bottom of this page to receive them straight to your inbox.
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