How Personal Growth Unf*cked My Life -

before you read

My life is really fucking great.

Here are 10 things I’m deeply grateful for:

A happy & healthy daughter
A gorgeous wife
An awesome family dog
Owning a nice house in a beautiful area
A business that lets me work whenever and wherever I want
Meaningful & fulfilling projects
Great health and fitness
A highly developed mindset and philosophy for life
A profound spiritual connection
I’m free from addictions and unhealthy compulsions

You might be thinking that I’m just bragging.

But I simply want to paint a picture of how good life can be – if you stop fucking it up.

It wasn’t always like this for me. Actually, It’s kind of a miracle that I made it to where I am today.

Before, I was a mess:

I couldn’t keep a job for longer than a few days
I messed up my relationships and hurt the people I loved
I was always sick and ended up in hospital with infections
I lived for the pursuit of pleasure, whether in alcohol or drugs – sex or video games
I had no interest in philosophy or spirituality – I scoffed at religion
I couldn’t stick to my own word and had no healthy boundaries

Some might say, I was a product of my environment…

Which is partly true.

However, it misses a critical aspect of what makes someone who they are: Their ability to reason and to choose.

It was only when I started to make different choices, that I could start to clean up the mess that was my life.

Here’s how that happened for me:

The Love of A Strong Women

When my (now) wife and I got together, we had a powerful connection, but we had a pretty rough first few years.

It didn’t take long for us to fall in love, but that didn’t mean we always prioritised our relationship over other things – especially in my case.

My wife is 4.5 years younger than me.

But when we first started seeing one another, it was like she was 4.5 years more mature than me.

She grew up with with addiction around her and even family members dying from drug use – so naturally she didn’t want me to be using drugs now we were together and she had fallen in love with me.

But it didn’t stop me.

Tbh, I’m ashamed to write about this,

I wouldn’t say I was a drug addict exactly, but I sure was addicted to the highs of partying and getting wasted. Every weekend (and sometime midweek) I would heavily binge drink, and more often than not, get fucked up on pretty much whatever drugs I could get my hands on…

..and she would evidently find out – and be upset about me doing so.

Growing up for me was a different story, it seemed like so many people around me were using drugs and it didn’t matter.

Getting wasted and escaping reality was something that became a part of who I was in my teens.

I liked doing it.

I remember talking to a much older friend who was in the party scene and telling him:

“I’m really happy with my girlfriend, but she doesn’t want me to do drugs, so it’s difficult because I want to be able to do them whenever I want.”

His reply was a pattern interrupt for me, he said:

“It’s better that way round, otherwise she’ll just be wanting to get on it with you all the time instead.”

This was actually the first time that I considered that the fact my girlfriend didn’t want me to do drugs – was a good thing.

I made many promises to her at that time that I would stop using drugs, only to go back and do them again.

But she saw how these drugs were not good for me, and that I would be better off without them.

She saw something positive and better in me – that I couldn’t see for myself.

Because she was strong,

Because she did her best to set healthy boundaries,

But also, because she was forgiving and accepting..

She helped me overcome the things which were holding me back from being better, even when I was struggling to let them go.

My wife helping me in this way by believing in something greater for me and holding me accountable to it, made me want to become better – for her…

But I didn’t really want to become better for myself yet, at least not until..

The Opportunity of A lifetime

This is when my eyes started to open to the real possibilities for me.

I was introduced to a network marketing company through some guys that my best friend met in New Zealand.

Doesn’t sound too promising? It did to me.

Me and a few of my friends stood around his kitchen table, and video called these guys from the other side of the world (which was something I had never done before).

They told us how people our age, were making 10-20k per month by just talking to other young people about these healthy energy drinks.

I was instantly hooked.

Those few minutes on that call had turned the handle to a door within me. A door that held all of the hidden desires I had shut down because I didn’t think it was possible.

I remember my friend’s dad (who was in the kitchen with us when we were in the call) asking me just after the call:

“So Chris, are you going to do it?”

Having already made up my mind I told him, “Yes I was”, he asked again as if prompting that I should take a bit longer to decide:

“you’re going to do it?”, “yes, definitely” I replied.

The answer for me was obvious, in my mind it was as if I didn’t even have a choice, it was yes or yes.

The short 10-minute call had awakened (or reawakened) a part of me that I didn’t truly know existed, my ability to dream.

Maybe gullible, definitely naive,

I instantly swallowed the pill of what these guys were sharing with us,

an opportunity and vehicle for us to make more money than anyone we knew,

to do it with our mates, and have time freedom to do whatever we wanted.

In the coming weeks, and months the excitement for many of our friends and acquaintances fizzed out – and we never succeeded in the way we thought possible.

But I would never be the same again.

That opportunity planted in me a seed of the good life that I knew I could live…

A life of freedom.

One where I didn’t have to work 40 hours a week for the next 40 years, not enjoying my work and having someone else telling me when to show up, when to go home – when I can eat and when I can piss.

Without this opportunity opening my mind, I would have had nothing to dream for, nothing to aim at that was above the average – small-town mentality that surrounded me.

But the opportunity was just the catalyst which opened the door to a new world for me, once I stepped foot into that world, I would never be the same again.

New Influences

Straight from the start in the MLM company,

I was introduced to people that I otherwise would never have met.

These were inspired and motivated people who shared the same vision for life that I did (and the same anti-vision).

I felt like for the first time ever, I had people in my life who believed in me and wanted me to truly succeed. Yes, many of these people would make more money – if I made more money.

But there were many people who helped me and coached me, that weren’t even in my upline.

Through the mentors that I was being connected with, I was introduced to the real of personal development.

(Keep in mind, this was way before the time of Jordan Peterson’s rise to fame and the popularity of YouTube long form content.)

I was introduced to speakers like Les Brown, Jim Rohn, and Bob Proctor.
I consumed as much personal development content as I could, audio seminars, audio books, YouTube videos, Webinars..
I became obsessed with acquiring new knowledge and changing my thought patterns and beliefs.
I even started to read books – something that I hadn’t done since I was a child.

All of this because I had been awakened to the possibility of the life that I could enjoy if I put myself together in the right way and made the right choices.

These new influences, those that I knew personally and those that I had only heard or seen on YouTube or in a book – were sharing ideas and knowledge with me that no one around me ever had.

Without these new thoughts and beliefs being implanted in my mind, I would have never been able to stay committed to my growth and development, and wouldn’t enjoy the fruits of the good life I do today.

But there was still a lot of work to be done…

The Right Sacrifices

As my journey of personal growth continued through the years,

my awareness and philosophy became more developed.

But I was still naive,

and my understanding of the world and my place in it was immature and unrealistic.

The next steps I took taught me what it would really take for me to become the person I wanted to become, and create the life that I dreamt of:

I had to start making choices between things that made me feel comfortable and happy in the moment, and things that would bring delayed gratification and take me closer to my goals in the future.

I had to sacrifice something I valued now, for something more important. This is the essence of sacrifice.

Every choice you make in life is a sacrifice, if you choose A, you give up B. You sacrifice one for the other.

If you choose both, you sacrifice the experience of choosing just one.

Many of the sacrifices we make in life happen without us even being aware of it. We make unconscious decisions all day long, fuelled by deeply ingrained beliefs and habits that we’ve never even considered.

Get up in the morning and go to a job that you don’t love – but it pays the bills (most of the time),
eat the same things for breakfast, lunch and dinner,
spend hours scrolling on social media,
switch off in front of the TV or go do some activity..

but never do anything that will allow you to break out of the cycle.

It was when I was working away from home doing construction that this really began to sink in…

Our boss had put us up in an Airbnb for the week, and in the evenings, my workmates would go out and enjoy themselves. Going to the pub, going fishing, etc.

Many times though, I stayed in on my laptop editing videos for YouTube. For me, at that time, this was a difficult sacrifice to make – and it didn’t feel great.

But I realised that if I wanted to live a life that was (in my mind) better than the average of 95% of people. I would have to do things differently than 95% of people.

You see, everyone else is making the unconscious decision to sacrifice the meaningful and fulfilling life they could live in the future, for their comfort in the present.

That doesn’t sound like the right sacrifice to me.

The biggest steps forward for me have not been because of the things I said yes to, but the things I said no to.

When I started making this shift, the naivety that once filled my mind, was sacrificed too – because I started to realise what it would truly take for me to break out of the constraints of my current life.

Deep Focus

My obsession with learning and consuming positive information had become unproductive.

I reached a point where I was mistaking just learning new things as progress.

Yes, the reprogramming of my mind was a crucial stage of my development. But now instead of just continually learning new things, I needed to really apply what I had learnt.

Up to this point I had struggled to focus deeply on one thing.

I had a serious case of shiny object syndrome.

Moving from one thing to the next, believing for short periods that this was the thing that was going to bring me the kind of success I knew was possible.

Even though I had learned to say no to things that I knew weren’t good for me.

I still hadn’t learnt to discipline myself and stay focused on one positive thing – long enough for it to take off.

Until:

I came to a point of awareness.
I knew I had come a long way.
I knew I had learned a lot.
But I got to a point where I mistook endless learning for progress.

I made a decision that I wouldn’t learn anything new – until I had fully applied what I had already learned – and seen the result of it.

I knew exactly what I needed to do, I had all the knowledge I needed – but some limited belief was still telling me that I needed to know more.

The meaning and fulfilment (the dopamine) I got from learning and expanding my mind had become like a drug, it wasn’t serving me anymore, but I still hadn’t stopped, but now I had turned a corner.

Looking back now, I see this as one of the most critical turning points in my personal growth. This is when I truly started to mature, when I became disciplined, chiselled, hardened.

I decided that I would focus on just one thing until it worked.

I would become deeply focused and apply everything I had learned toward one end.

That I would ignore the distractions and shiny objects to my left and right and continue straight ahead, no matter how I felt, or how many obstacles I encountered.

Before this point, I had developed myself a great deal. But I was still a rough unpolished product.

It wasn’t until I truly applied everything I learned, that I started to turn my knowledge into wisdom – and started to carve myself from a rough undefined piece of rock, into a distinct clear-cut sculpture.

But I couldn’t do this on my own. I didn’t have the power..

Asking For Help

The steps I had taken so far on my personal growth journey weren’t isolated one-offs.

Everything I’ve covered here is still a lesson and practice that I have to live out to this day.

I have to let love guide me and put my relationship first.
I have to surround myself with inspiring and encouraging influences.
I have to make the right sacrifices and stay focused on the things that are truly important.

All of this takes energy to do, and the world is full of distractions and temptations.

I get overwhelmed and stressed,
I have down days where I feel like shit,
I have times when I feel disconnected and depressed.

These are all reasons why this last point is so powerful. It’s what sustains me through all the ups and downs – and shit life throws at you.

I realised that no matter how much I grow, no matter how good I become. I still can’t control the chaos of life.

So I need to put my trust and faith in something greater than myself.

For me, this meant forming a spiritual connection, and relationship with what many people call God.

When I learned that no matter how well I put myself together, shit can still fall apart around me – that alone, I wasn’t enough. I realised that I needed to humble myself, and ground my mind and life in an intelligence that all things arise from.

When I started to do this, when I started to give my life over to a power greater than myself and to ask for it’s help – this is when I started to experience my life being guided in a way like never before.

This is when I started to experience a peace of mind and wholeness in my heart no matter the circumstances in the world around me.

My sense of fulfilment and worthiness – was no longer a condition of the results that I had achieved in my life.

I had learned to believe in an intelligence that transcends all things, and I learned that this power also believed in me.

This understanding gives me more power to move through life and act as my best self, than anything I have ever encountered.

Conclusion

Personal growth is a never-ending, ongoing process – and through commitment to this process, it can help you to climb out of the hell-like pits that you may find yourself in.

But once you’re out of those pits, and you’re walking on firm (fairly) level ground, it also helps you to understand that as you are right now, you are enough.

You learn that it’s ok to fully accept yourself as you are right now, and still walk the challenging path that will make you, and the world around you, better.